Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Trust Issues

i have been thinking alot these days... I think something is not right with me. I have trouble opening up to people, i have big trust issues. I think this has a to do alot with my farther, and my past relationships. I dont usually talk about this, so its kinda hard for me to type, but my new year resolution is to open up to people more so this is a fresh start. I have had so many people in my life who used me, or played me. My first serious relationship was with a guy 7 years older then me. BIG MISTAKE, but i guess we learn from every situation we are put into. It took him a few punches to wake me up and realise im to fucking young for this shit.... I was 16... A year and a half to realise i dont need this physical and emotional abuse anymore... Ever since this i have been going downhill. My next relationship was on and of for 7 months... This guy was the same as the last, except younger, more attractive and actually had goals... but he did alot of drugs, which i did too. I was soo naive and stupid ... Everyone was telling me WTF CHELSEA WAKE UP ... His sleeping with everyone... but love is very powerful. I thought he would changed... but it never really happened. I went out with two guys after that, but they played me... and that was it. For the past year, i have been dating, but every little thing a guy dose, i find a turnoff. Ive been telling my friends its them, but to tell you the honest truth its me. I have pushed them away for a year. I want to trust people but its so fucking hard... Something is blocking me, and i have finally realised its me blocking them away, and pushing them away when things start getting "serious". I told myself i would never hurt anyone like this guys have hurt me, but when i think about it i am... I push people away and i really dont want to be this way anymore. I know alot of people can relate to this... Im going to try to open up more this year... Post more on my blog .. Ive notice that i keep alot of shit in, then i get to a breaking point and freak out. Anyways thats about it for today :) Have a good day friends