Trust Issues

i have been thinking alot these days... I think something is not right with me. I have trouble opening up to people, i have big trust issues. I think this has a to do alot with my farther, and my past relationships. I dont usually talk about this, so its kinda hard for me to type, but my new year resolution is to open up to people more so this is a fresh start. I have had so many people in my life who used me, or played me. My first serious relationship was with a guy 7 years older then me. BIG MISTAKE, but i guess we learn from every situation we are put into. It took him a few punches to wake me up and realise im to fucking young for this shit.... I was 16... A year and a half to realise i dont need this physical and emotional abuse anymore... Ever since this i have been going downhill. My next relationship was on and of for 7 months... This guy was the same as the last, except younger, more attractive and actually had goals... but he did alot of drugs, which i did too. I was soo naive and stupid ... Everyone was telling me WTF CHELSEA WAKE UP ... His sleeping with everyone... but love is very powerful. I thought he would changed... but it never really happened. I went out with two guys after that, but they played me... and that was it. For the past year, i have been dating, but every little thing a guy dose, i find a turnoff. Ive been telling my friends its them, but to tell you the honest truth its me. I have pushed them away for a year. I want to trust people but its so fucking hard... Something is blocking me, and i have finally realised its me blocking them away, and pushing them away when things start getting "serious". I told myself i would never hurt anyone like this guys have hurt me, but when i think about it i am... I push people away and i really dont want to be this way anymore. I know alot of people can relate to this... Im going to try to open up more this year... Post more on my blog .. Ive notice that i keep alot of shit in, then i get to a breaking point and freak out. Anyways thats about it for today :) Have a good day friends
xxxxxx

Even tho your a million stars away,
a place no one can explain.
I know one day you will come and get me,
guide me threw the gazing lights,
into the heavens gates,
into gods hands.





Bud its been 2 years you have left us, yet it still feels like yesterday So many people love you down here and miss you. You have no idea and most likely never how you effected my life in so many years. I am so proud of you ! You have a beautiful angel down here on earth. She looks just like you! I wish i could have been there more in your final months. I never ever thought something was going to happen to you. It just goes to show how life is unpredictable. Never take anything for granted and never ever think your invincible! Remember to live your life as if it was your last, cause you never know when god well need an angel. Im not mad at god anymore, i know you were destine for greatest things in the sky. Your spirit is no longer on earth but no one will never forget that !
i love you and miss you xxxx

Weekend Fun =)

So i had a pretty awsome weekend! My boss changed my hours, so i have my weekends !! Thank god ! Thursday we went to lac des pines (Camping). It was chill ! We had a lil fire and had hot dogs, grilades and beer :) Friday me and my chika kelly went to laronde ! It was awsome :) We got the flash pass so we got to do every ride :P XD ... Saterday we went shopping in brossard, and i had a relexing night ..! I cant wait for next weekend, we are suppose to go to the beach club ! Ive never been :( Im 20 and ive never been to the beach club yet went to most of the clubs in mtrl !!! Oh well you cannot go wrong with sun, alchol, music, and the beach :) ! Anywho here are some pics from camping and hemminford... I wish i had the pics from laronde but they are on my friends camera and she has low speed.... BUMMER :(

Me And Clau <3

*Me And Kelly*

Me And Jesse !

BIG UP (SHOUT OUT) TO EVERYONE ON TR SHADY !!

Love Yous

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I miss you Alot Baby ! It sucks we dont chill like we use too :( I want to let you know i miss the old days ! The long drives, The Casino, The Pub !! Everything ! I miss calling you and talking hours on the phone :( Jtaime plus que tout !!! Even though its not the same, we will always be friends ! XxXxXxX

Drinking Before Work Is A No No!

Sooo Ive got this week off , but i have to work on the weekend :( ... Working weekends sucks !!! All my friends go out, and i have to stay home :( ... Oh well the money is good :) ... Last friday i went clubbing with friends and saw Serani LIVE, it was awsome !!! I was taking shots, and as i started feeling tipsy... I forgot i had to work at 8 the next day. I was having a blast ! Me and kelly danced the whole night, and later went to mcdonalds with some friends. I got back at 4:30 in the morning... Slept for about 2 and a half hours, woke up and felt like shit ! I was soo haungover :( I had a 12 hour shift and i felt really depressed. At work my boss told me to go home at 3 cause i was soo slow . NEVER EVER am i drinking the night b4 work ! Bye Bye Weekends :( ... OH WELL THERES ALWAYS THIRSTY THURSDAYS :) Chels xxxxxx